I am here to be the bear I wanted those bears from my past to be, the bear who is truly accepting of all and who only longs to make the world a better, queerer, and more fashionable place. Even to this day, much more battle-worn than I once was, I’m always so shocked and repulsed by the position of most gay men to be so unaccepting of fat individuals, knowing how unkind the outside world is to those who are different. Though this is certainly not the position of all gay men, these experiences seem to be very common for those of us who don’t fit this image of perfection. Anything more than an average dad-bod or slightly chubby figure seems to stir up a sense of disdain from the majority of goers.
Though it may be covered in hair and a tad more heavyset, fatphobia is alive and well in bear bars. Though the scene was refreshingly more diverse, I was met with a barrage of comments like “You have such a cute face!” And the oh so familiar, “You’d be so hot if you lost a few pounds” from guys that did everything they could to portray an ultra-masculine persona. I expected a room of chubby-friendly fellas or at the very least, folks who weren’t gonna discriminate against my size. When I was finally of age, I made my way to my first bear bar.
